I never thought I’d be one of those highly obsessive women, scrutinising every single sign or twinge or… oh duck it, of course I was going to be! But after 5 months of trying including a month off in between because I was on holiday without the hubby, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect.
I’ve met a lot of women (mostly online) in the same situation as me, all trying for their first, all just a little too obsessed and all in their 30s with their biological clocks (and multitude of family members) bugging them at the back of their minds. It’s hard not to get disgruntled when you hear so many stories about how some couples got their sticky bean in the first month or so of trying.
As much as I like to plan my life to the letter, this is just one of those things that I have had to (reluctantly) give up control over. So to the mothers to be as impatient as me, I have just one piece of wisdom to impart to you.
No seriously, the more we try and it doesn’t happen the more we think we’ve failed. The more we try, the more we’re constantly spotting symptoms that aren’t even there, only to put ourselves through days and nights of torturous guessing game hell.
And yes hell is not an exaggeration. It’s what it felt like for the first 2 months. I was stressed, constantly moody, having crying fits all over the place and I just generally wasn’t very happy. Having the month off in between was pretty much a blessing in disguise because I suddenly didn’t have to think about it and I wasn’t consumed by it. Suddenly all those extra pangs and tingles that I thought I’d been feeling just turned out to be part of my body’s natural cycle of habits anyway. I’d just never noticed before because I wasn’t looking. What a donut!
So as you may have guessed the last few months have been so much better. I banned myself from constantly scouring baby forums (because surrounding yourself with other anxious people is just going to make yourself more anxious). I’ve stuck to a small group of ladies I’ve met on wassap for support and a quick pep talk when you need it. I’ve not woken up every morning wondering what cycle day or post ovulation day I’m on. I’ve not used my husband like a piece of meat I just need to switch on once a month. (Sometimes he skims my blog searching for any mention of him… sorry bubs!!!!)
Yes some people get pregnant in the first month, but realistically not that many do. If you think about, the odds are stacked well against Mr. Sperm getting his first date and sometimes it is pretty much a game of chance and probability. So if you’re still under a year of trying*, finding yourself in a constant frenzy every month, the best thing you can do for yourself is to stop trying. Just enjoy this stage as part of the whole baby making journey and… well you know, enjoy all the baby making!
*84% of couples will conceive within a year if they have regular unprotected sex according to the NHS.