Personal Musings

Jealousy is ugly if you let it control you

7th April 2015

After 6 months of marriage and 8 years of being together, jealously reared its ugly head and slowly started to dig into my brain with a spoon. The last and only time I have ever had pangs of jealously was when hubby and I first got together. But we were young and everything was new and everyone gets a little jealous to begin with right? Especially when your other half has already established relationships.

But this, this insane form of obsessiveness and over thinking was something new. It’s horrible and it’s consuming. I was analysing everything little thing to the point where I’m pretty sure my own imagination was deforming the truth.

Who knows why jealousy began to brew in the first place? After about 6 months work friendly steered towards social friendly, absolutely nothing strange about that. I socialise with my work friends all the time both men and women. The odd thing is that I genuinely like her myself. She’s fun, smart, ambitious and we actually get on really well.

I think it all boils down to my own insecurities and lack of confidence in myself. I’m pretty pro at outward projection, hiding what’s really going on. I can do it everyone, except him. For 2 weeks this has been tearing me apart making me distant, snappy and just generally melancholic. Poor hubby had no idea what was wrong. He tried to get it out of me but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.

I think I was ashamed. Doesn’t jealously mean lack of trust? But I have never once not trusted him.

We finally talked about things last night. I was so worried he’d get angry but he didn’t. I warbled, he listened, I ranted, he understood, I questioned, he explained, I cried myself into oblivion, he held me in his arms and together we worked through all my concerns. I’d already played every scenario in my head over and over and had concluded myself that I was just being stupid, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

Only now after it’s all out in the open do I finally feel free, like I’m breathing again for the first time. I’m 31 and I still struggle to talk about my feelings but I’m learning and I’m getting better. I realised that if you don’t talk about it you really only have one side of the story. How can you understand anything fully without all the facts?

Jealousy is ugly if you let it control you. Let it out and let it go before it gets the chance.


  • Reply Mellissa Williams 7th April 2015 at 7:04 pm

    Jealously is a natural reaction if you love someone however I agree, don’t let it control you. Be open and honest about your feelings or it can eat you up inside.

    • Reply Safia 7th April 2015 at 10:30 pm

      Yes, I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way. Don’t want to go there again. Must remember to always open up to my loved ones.

  • Reply The Dame Intl 29th April 2015 at 3:24 pm

    You are so blessed to have such a lovely husband that stood by you through this and did what he could to console you and make you feel safe and loved.

    What has happened recently that has got you feeling less-than? Where do you feel like you’re failing or need to be better. How are you feeling not good enough?

    This jealousy is telling you to work on appreciating yourself and seeing that you are wonderful just as you are. It’s telling you to quit being so hard on yourself and to nurture yourself as though you were a little kid learning something new.

    I know, I’ve been there. Well done you on being brave enough to open up about how you’re feeling. Now it’s time to take better care of yourself. When you lose site of yourself, everything becomes a threat. Get back to knowing yourself, owning yourself and knowing why you’re awesome xx

  • Reply 5 tips on dating a younger man | my Griffin way 22nd May 2015 at 10:10 pm

    […] so silly thinking about it. And yes, even now on a rare occasion I can become a self doubting jealous monster. But you have to remind yourself that he chose you and he’s with you for a reason. Have […]

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